Busy Confused Busy Confused
Been busy for quite a few days now.. Though, things seem to have been completed when given an overview, there is still so much to be done.. Btw, I am talking abt my internship project.. To give a brief overview abt it, all I'll say is that its a conference bridge and peer to peer audio/video Messenger.. Messengers dont really have a good impression on ppl.. Why?? So many of them available on the net for free download.. But, making one isnt that easy specially when the language is Java and developers are ppl like me :D Had a tough time initially.. For quite some time, I cudnt even differentiate between the inbuilt functions and the self written procedures.. everything went OH.. At times, I got this feeling of lifting up my hands and leave all the work as it is.. But then, I thot of giving it a try.. Giving coding a try.. and now, I'm definitely a BETTER coder.. Better in CAPS indicates that I've now risen from say a level 0 to level 3 on a scale of 10. How much percentage increase is that btw?? Infinte write ;)) hmmm.. definitely BETTER ..
Yeah, so I thot of giving it a try.. Even stopped attending my CAT classes.. Why the hell did I join the coaching btw.. I never wanted to go for MBA after my BTech.. The reason was the same, just because all of dem were joining.. This isnt the first time.. I've taken many foolish decisions all my life.. I jes dont feel like thinking abt some of them.. But then, as the previous post says - past sometimes catches up with u.. wow!! I rmred it and hit it at jes the right moment..
It often happens that we start on something and leave it in an uncompleted state... Most of u have noticed, most of the times (most of, most of.. Shit.. there's a special word for this in English) it isnt that difficult to finish off the task.. Talking philosophy or something, Buddha or Vivekanand sed - "Try to accomplish ur aim with diligence".. But then, this sentence had a flaw when I think it from my perspective.. I never aimed to be a better programmer.. But then I thot that who the hell in this worlds wishes to work hard.. Be different, work hard :D
No, I definitely dont match up with atleast 50% of my batch in terms of technical intelligence, but as I sed, there definitely is some improvement.. This technical world doesnt really seem to be that bad as I felt earlier.. Hmm..
Thodi bahut aur mehnat ki jaa sakti hai.. Whatever.. Future plans or I must say long term plans are still not crystal clear... Where do I wish to landup.. Managerial/Technical .. I am really really confused.. Bloody heart (I mean its full of blood) says
kaun sala mehnat karega, kaun sala programming seekhega.. but mind argues
behen ke take, engineer banne ke baad engineer to lag.. When the level of contradiction increases, blood heart (rmr, full of blood) says
abe, itni door ki kya soch raha hai.. aish kar and things settle down..
Currently, all I wish is finish off everything and go back to my home, sweet home.. Btw, I have something important for tomorrow (rather today).. I need to give a demo to Dr. Raj Reddy.. He's a big guy.. Everyone feels like respecting him from within. He's srsly cool man.. I've met him once regarding the DLI.. Then, I gotta meet him tomorrow for the 3Com project.. Am sure, he wont rmr me.. Who am I neways? Jes another student and that too not among the selected cream.. This feel of being a JACP (Just ANother Common Person) really motivates u at times.. I'll tell u a secret today.. When I need to motivate myself, I jes go and talk to someone whom I respect/consider as a more intelligent person.. And it really works..
So, in short, decision's still to be made.. Technical/Managerial.. You cud read this as Hard Work/Light work .. Atleast I feel it that way..
Green Mile
Man!! This is one great movie I recently saw.. In case u arent aware, it stars Tom Hanks.. I can't really miss any of his movies.. The movie goes really slow in the beginning and be sure of getting bore for some time but it gets so gripping with time, that u wont feel like getting up even for a piss :D .. Just a word of caution - "Its a long movie - 3 hrs".. So, be sure to complete all ur work before u start the show ;) Ahem ahem!! In case u know me, u'll have an idea abt my extent of being into dialogues.. Here are some brilliant dialogues from this movie:
Old Paul Edgecomb: I guess sometimes the past just catches up with you, whether you want it to or not.
John Coffey: I know you hurtin' and worryin'. I can feel it on you. But you oughta quit on it now. I want it over and done with. I do. I'm tired, boss. Tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. I'm tired of never having me a buddy to be with, to tell me where we's going to, or coming from, or why. Mostly I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world every day. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head all the time. Can you understand?
Hal Moores: How many years you spend pissing on a toilet seat before someone told you to put it up?
Percy Wetmore: I think of it as a bucket of piss to drown rats in. That's all. Anybody doesn't like it… you can kiss my ass.
Need not give a damn..
Sometimes it happens that ppl blame u for something and u dont really have a proof to defend urself. It doenst matter, how big is the matter, what matters is that u are being charged for something u havent done. Am not sure if everyone gets that intense irritatable feeling within, but I do.. An irritation due to inability to make ppl understand or believe you. It does frustrate for sometime, but then later I make myself understand the fact that how fked up are the ppl and that I shudnt really give a damn to it. But that initial frustrating period, it seems that someone is banging my head with a hammer. How ugly are some ppl to others in this fking world.. At times, I've been ugly too.. But then I have my own way of compensating for those things.. Many ppl dont re-think abt their cruel deeds.. Start thinking, see if it really makes a difference.
Sometimes it happens...
... that you are alleged of doing some wrong/disloyal act. You know your fault and that you are solely guilty for that. Some keep on making excuses to get a vint from the situation, some others just prefer keeping a mum and a really few number of brave people accept it. whatever category you fall in, one thing's almost certain - you feel guilty about it, you actually do except in cases like the ones shown in bollywood - yeh maine apni jaan bachane ke liye kiya, yeh maine apni ma-behen ki izzat bachane ke liye kiya, blah-blah :D .. Later, retrospecting the whole situation, you feel that you could have done away with that unfaithful act but by that time you have already made another such mistake of making false excuses in order to be vindicated form the first case's charges.
Today, I earned my first pay. yuhoo.. yes, I've been interning with 3com for quite sometime now. Though delayed, I'm really happy to get atleast half of what I deserve :) Other half is expected in another month or so. Initially, I wondered how excited would I be at the moment of taking the cheque in my hand. It isn't really a big issue. Believe me, I was happy but it didn't seem to me as something really special or whatever.
Jes a week before this, I went to this guy who was supposed to give us the pay and pleaded him to issue the cheques soon and made a false statement of me leaving for home this weekend. Today, when that guy asked if I was really leaving or something, I said that may be I do it next week. So, this explains the first para of this post. Later, I was jes wondering that I could have used Akshay Kumar's dialogue in Mujhse Shadi karogi that said - "chhoti chhoti baaten pakadne lag gaya hai chhotu" :D with that guy. We (me and some of my friends) kept on laughing realizing the situation had I used that dialogue with him. Do watch the movie, its unbelievably hilarious. I've seen it for nearly a dozen times now and am not yet bored..
To be concluded, I'm a lil richer guy for some days ;))
